you were the genesis 
of my truest self, 
although i don’t think either 
of us knew it; 

we were just building 
memories together— 

but you were the first 
woman i ever loved, 
and it terrified me because 
i had been taught my entire 
life that it was wrong; 

expected to be struck down 
by god for even daring to 
enter the church after learning 
how i felt about you— 

& i was terrified someone 
would learn my secret despite 
not telling a single soul, 

and now i know love is beautiful
in all of her forms and i don’t 
have a healthy fear of hellfire any longer
because people are the hell i’ve 
endured in my life; 

and i’m sorry if my anger gave 
you hell—

i should’ve been honest, 
but i was afraid of  
your rejection.